the ideal of connection

There is an ancient myth about lovers being the two halves of the same being, who need each other for completion. They are split up for some reason, and they spend their lives looking for each other. And once they find each other, they won’t part. For why would one want to part from such a perfect match? Why would one choose to remain incomplete?

My ideal of love was something quite close to this. For I wished to find someone who would really know me well, who would get me, who would understand me, who would truly connect with me. Someone who would understand my concerns and feelings when I told him, but also someone who would know me well enough to be able to guess in advance how I would feel about things before I had to tell him, like a natural soulmate. And wouldn’t those two halves know each other intuitively? Wouldn’t they always connect with the other and be sympathetic?

This didn’t appear to me very demanding. I longed for something like that, the perfect fit of my other half. For I really long for connection and understanding. To be lonely, for me, is not so much to lack company as it is to lack connections, intellectual and emotional.

But not only I haven’t found it yet: I now think that there is no reason to think that such an ideal is even achievable. I think a happy love relationship is achievable, and that there are better and worse matches. But I also think that to have a happy love relationship with even the best of matches requires work, effort and even skill… on both sides. That is already quite demanding.

This is perhaps very wise. But I can’t help thinking it is sad. It was a good ideal, it was a good hope, and it was a good drive. And if the ideal is not achievable, if such connection is impossible, does this mean that I will always feel lonely?

Tags: I wonder, loneliness, love, relationships, worrying thoughts